Betty And The Boy

On Monday evening my family and I had the pleasure of being entertained by the mesmerizing vocals and newish folk feeling beats of Betty And The Boy. Wow, that sounded really dry and... reviewish. Check out their MySpace here.

Not only does Betty Jaeger have a face like an angel, her vocals seem to have wings as well. Josh Harvey,(brother to Todd Harvey) who makes up the Boy part of the equation plays several instruments, including the banjo, guitar, bass and percussion.

We had a great time at Colter, drinking Double Macchiato's (and yes, a Macchiato is always deserving of caps) and visiting with family and friends. I'd add a link to Colter Coffee, but their website is awful and doesn't do their INCREDIBLE coffee any justice.

My favorite song they performed (well alright, I have two) is My Ghost, and Devil Town. Hmmm sounds like I'm going Goth! But seriously, all eyes were on Betty during My Ghost. The entire coffee shop was mesmerized.

They definitely have a bunch of new fans.

I'm having trouble getting the photos and videos off of my brothers camera and onto my computer (my camera has decided it is ONLY taking purple hued photos, so I had to borrow). But as soon as I get em off... I will put em on!

A Barn Burning

My barn having burned to the ground, I can now see the moon.— Japanese poet Masahide

Sometimes I come across something written that touches me deeply. (Okay, so it happens a lot) I am stunned at the ability of thoughts put to paper to move me so powerfully. The words above resonate so deeply within me and seem to speak of my faith in Christ.

My barn. The thing I build with my own hands. The thing that I "need". The thing that I believe will add to my safety, or my livelihood, or my well being.

My barn.

I think we as humans imperfectly place much faith in our own brand of wisdom. At least I know I do. The word of God can plainly tell us that it is not for us to direct our own step, and yet we do, I do. Time and time again I direct my own steps, until Christ in his infinte love, grace and power reaches down and sets fire to my barn.

I wail as its burning, I cry to God for help, for mercy, for aid. And He hears my cries, knowing that the fire that I pray will be extinguished, is the very mercy that I need. His will, not mine. Because His will is Omniscient, while mine cannot see the beyond the barn.

And as I survey the ashes, I have a choice. I can bitterly sift through them, cursing and searching only for what once stood. Or I can stand, searching the heavens for the face of Christ. I can see not only the moon, but the Son.

I think of the barns that have been burnt down in my life, the fires I thought I would never recover from. Perhaps Christ did not light each one of these, but He used the empty places they left behind to to call me to Himself. These very fires that have brought me to my knees in despair, have brought me to my knees before my Lord.

They have destroyed the barn, illuminated the night, and made clear the path that leads to Him.

My Beautiful Morning

I woke this morning feeling, awake. Which is a wonderful thing in itself. But I also awoke, aware, which is a blessed thing.

It started with coffee (doesn't everything good start with coffee?) Breathing in the purifying aroma of fresh ground beans...for coffee lovers, nuff said.

Then, slippers on, coffee at my side, I sat in the hushed quiet of my still sleeping house and spent time with my God. My God. Because in those moments of solitary communion that is exactly what he is. He is mine, and I am his. I belong to him completely and he is available to me with an infinite exclusion. What an amazing and beautiful gift we have been given. I am filled with thick emotion in just remembering. Awesome.

And then I just sat. Listened. Listened to the waking world outside my door. Listened to the quiet inside. I was aware. It seems like such a simple state to be in. Strangely and to my detriment, I am not in it enough. I am so hurried, worried, rushed and busy that I forget to be still, to listen, to feel, to breathe.

And so, with new awareness, I filled my dishpan with water so hot the steam curled up into the cool air of the kitchen bringing with it the soft scent of lavender and clean. I washed up the few dishes left over from last nights snacks, looking out my kitchen window to my little urban farmyard. A thick sleepy fog muted the world, but my chickens paid no attention. They were busy about their work, scratching and pecking along the little path of hay I had made for them the day before. There is just something so whole and natural about chickens. Something peaceful and real that comforts and grounds me.

I'm sure it's partly because of their simplicity. Their unplugged, non-CNN, off the grid loveliness. I think it's also something borrowed from yesterday. That retro comfort that I find wrapped up in the strings of vintage aprons.

Now morning is turning to noon, and with each hour, the intensity of the day increases. I am going to try to carry with me, everywhere I go, the peace I found this morning.

A Room With A View

We've finished our living room. Sort of. I did find one spot of trim that I missed. We have a new floor thanks to our neighbors Tom and Deanne, who were kind enough to offer us the new laminate flooring that had been installed incorrectly in their home by Lowes. Lowes was replacing with hard wood, and we now have a beautiful floor! The paint color, which is called Vine something or other, was chosen by Garrett. I was going to do a neutral beige, but he wanted a little bite to his room. And since this is actually where the kids hang out.. and sleep...and live... I thought it only proper to let them have "some" say!

The window coverings were not my first choice, but were $4.oo per window at Wal-Mart and I couldnt pass that price up. The little love seat was $10.00 at the thrift store, as was the rug, and the Paris and Eiffel Tower art I have had forever.

It may not be exactly what I wanted, but it is Soooooooo much better than it was before! So.. I'm happy : )

Negative Ions, Positive Love

I love autumn, I really do. Its my absolute favorite time of year. I love the leaves, the sky, the color, the frost. I am awed when I walk out my door and see the intense display of beauty close enough to touch.

But I have to admit, I am missing the Gulf right now. In Naples, the weather is just turning a rosy shade of perfect. The days are in the 80's, the nights warm and drying out from the summer rains. In Florida, the Gulf was my refuge when life got crazy.

At present, I am dealing with some pretty heavy anxiety . Why? I have absolutely no idea. It just decided to show up uninvited and take residence beneath my breast bone. It is exhausting, haunting, and very very unwelcome. What I want right now is to walk along this beach that I know so well. I want to be bathed in the negative ions that surround the water. Funny thing, that negative ions should be called negative when they do absolutely positive things for our bodies and minds.

Here, in Kalispell, I don't have white warm sand to cradle my feet, or the sound of the gentle waves of the gulf to calm my overstimulated nervous system. Here in Kalispell I have come to find something far greater. I have Jesus Christ. My constant. My companion. The balm for my soul.

I remember when I was so very sick and in the hospital. I was so sick that I thought perhaps I wasn't going to live. I lay in that hospital bed and had my fear replaced with a peace so precious to me, so vital to my memory and my life, I will never forget it. As I closed my eyes, I rested my head at the feet of my Lord. I could feel the hem of his garment brush across my hair. I could feel his hand on my head as I lay curled, safe, content and at peace at his feet. I remember reaching out taking hold of the hem of his robe. I was a small child, safe in the knowledge that her Father had her life in His hands. Safe in the knowledge that He would watch over me, that He would never leave me. Ever.

That is my wash of negative ions. That is my peace. I no longer need a designated place to find rest for my soul, no matter how weary or anxious it is. My peace is Jesus Christ, and I fall on my face in greatfulness that I am blessed with the knowledge of his love.

Little LuLu with my fall composition. What a tiny monster she is! It amazes me, what humans have done to these poor animals, M'Kayla and I often say, "she forgot to have a nose!"

Autumn makes me smile

Here's a few of my favorite things. Knitting, eggs from my girls and a coffee pot. Of course I don't make my dark drink of love in THAT pot...but someone did... some time.

When I was knitting this yarn, I was amazed at the perfect replica of fall it became as I knitted the scarf together. I could hold it up to the street that I live on, and it was the exact color of the world around me! Awesome! I was SO in love with the airy feel of the spun wool, and amazed with the scarf when I finished it, that I had to give it away : ) It was a birthday present for my awesome employer, Julie, at Julie's Center Street Cafe.

Is It August Already?

August. Already. Wow. And I said I would try to write more often. Looks like not!
Well, great things have happened in my life. Number one is, I am no longer sick. God, in His magnificent grace has healed me. I have been enjoying this summer as a relatively normal human being.
I have been working as a waitress on the weekends, and making lots of tips : ) Growing my garden, tending my flock and enjoying life.
I have also become mama to a very adoreable baby named LuLu. This is her to the left. Lucinda, Lulu for short is my one year old rescued pug. Oh my, she is a handful! She bonded instantly and permanantly to me, I should have named her gorilla glue.
LuLu has a vet appointment today, and she may need medication for her severe seperation anxiety....oh is it ever severe.

We've gone to the fair and rodeo and had a wonderful time. Garrett is contemplating a Youth With a Mission Discipleship Course and still working full time at Lowes. M'Kayla is working at Taco Bell and brings us lots of yummies : )

Mike is doing window cleaning and gearing his mind for the coming change of season. He doesnt handle winter well, but i have a feeling that this winter will be awesome.

Well thats all for now folks. I rally hope I come back here before Christmas lol.

Spring and Chickens, but I'm not a Spring Chicken.

Wow. Four months. Which makes it seem as if winter were just a few days long, just a small thing, coming in to blow beautfiul snow around my world and then leaving on tiptoes so as not to wake me.
Wrong.
These past four months have been WINTER. Snow and cold, biting winds and temperatures so cold and brutal we thought it would never.ever.end.

But today is April. It is 60 degrees out and the sun is shining in promise of warmer days to come. Thanks be to God.

Its been a long winter in more than just weather. It seems as if the cold wormed its way into my bones and aggravated every inch of my Lupus. Aching, tired, weary and weak...one thing after another.

It was a long winter in the chicken coop too. We lost Lucy, or black Bantam Silkie to frozen feet : ( Poor little Luce. It was awful beyond words and thanks goes to my dear husband who put her down for me, what would I have done without him.

But spring is here. So I slather on the sunscreen and head out doors. Just to breath in the sap and soil is a gift. Mike is building a new coop for the girls. Elsie, Polly and Mae are laying away and enjoying new freedom in a run he has added on to the old coop in the meantime.

Seven weeks ago Mike brought his sad aching sick wife home a present. A box full of peeping noises. When opened, I found the peeping noises connected directly to three day old baby chicks. Oh my mothers heart! What a blessing they were. Tiny little cotton balls with beaks!

I've been raising them in an appliance box in my kitchen. Its been a true delight to watch them grow. As soon as the weather is temperate enough, out they go! Its almost time for these babies to truly fly the coop.

I really hope that I update more often. What with my memory, its the only way I am going to remember having done anything at all!

Barrell Bottom Cookie Recipe, and some tears.

I am sad.

Today is my sons 21st birthday. That isn't what I am sad about, but I am sad to be sad on such an important day for him.

I am so affected by the world around me. I am like the empath on Star Trek. Remember her? Lots of curly dark hair and an uncanny ability to feel the emotions of others?

I feel so deeply the collective pain and sorrow of the world that I have a hard time even watching the news. I am not sure if we were meant to know about all the bad, globally. There is enough bad (and sufficient good to balance it) in our neighborhoods isn't there? But most people have no idea what a neighborhood even is. I am no better. Through my lively and vivacious people person of a daughter I am getting to know my neighbors. To care about them and their lives.
I should get to a point here.

I belong to an email group. The Corner Coffe Shop. It is a sweet loving place where Christian women gather together via email, sharing Incredimail Stationary creations and finds, and encouraging one another in their walk with Christ. I love these women. They are special, caring, precious women.

But I am not sure if its good for me.

Or is it?

Today a prayer request came across for a woman named Karla. She has 8 children, a good husband, and terminal kidney cancer. She held it inside throughout the Holidays so everyone else would have a good time, and then told her family that she had one month to live.

I am devastated. That sounds ridiculous. How can I be devastated? How dare I? But my heart is heavy. I feel the solid weight of sorrow in my chest and I can not shake it. It makes it hard to breathe. And I feel guilty. Guilty about "just" having Lupus. Guilty about feeling down because I have no money. I am alive! I have my family! I can make COOKIES!

I think of all the times that woman has made cookies for her family. Joyfully, like I did this morning. I woke up at 6:30 am and thought "I want to treat my wonderful son for doing all that he does. What can I do? Cookies!" And I set about in my kitchen which was delightfully cold and clean. I turned the oven on and opened the door to warm things up and happily scooped and melted, mixed and poured while the snow fell quietly outside my window. I was a mother. A happy mama. Light. Smiling. With no cares in my mind except that the cookies should turn out delicious.

She has one month to live. She will never again make cookies with a light heart. If she did make them, tears would be mixed into the dough for all the cookies that will be made without her.

How I HATE to better my life against someone else's tragedy. But I do. I think we all do.

You are in my prayers Karla.



And so I begin my day.

Barrell Bottom Cookies
(my son chose the name because I pulled the ingredients from seemingly empty cupboards)

2 Cups All Purpose Flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 Cup White Sugar
1 Cup Brown Sugar
1 cup butter softened
2 eggs (thanks to my chickie girls)
1 tsp vanilla
2 cups oatmeal ( I used quick...you could use any)
2 T instant coffee crystals (you can leave out if you don't have)
1 cup caramel chips
1 cup chocolate chips (you could use any addition that you wanted, butterscotch chips, pecans etc)

Combine flour, soda, baking powder, salt and oatmeal. In seperate bowl mix together brown sugar, white sugar, eggs, vanilla, coffee crystals. I mix with a wooden spoon. Add the flour mixture to the egg and sugar mix stirring until combined. Toss in the chocolate chips and caramel chips and stir.

Drop by large tablespoon full onto ungreased cookie sheet.

Bake at 400 degrees for 8-10 minutes.

Enjoy!

Snow Day!

Finally, it is really really snowing. Yes, we had a white Christmas, but only a few inches of the fluffy white stuff. It is SO incredible outside right now!

When it snows like this all of the corners, the untidy places in ones yard, block, neighborhood and city are all covered up and made white and new.

So peaceful.

So peaceful and quiet that if you stand still you can hear individual snowflakes touch their brothers already on the ground. You can hear your breath, soft in your own ears, and you can hear the muffled sounds of the branches heavy with their new burden.

I just might stay in my jammies all day long...watching the snowfall outside my window while I curl up on the sofa with my stack of pen-pal letters, a hot cup of green tea and some black and white movies.

If this does not fuel the fires of my creative mind, what could?

Stumped

Isn't this just gorgeous? These were my moms birthday gift to M'Kayla. Of course when she gave them to her, they were in bulb form and we had to keep them in the closet for about a month...but wow! Its freezing cold outside, but we have spring inside!

I have knitters block. Creators block. Whatever you want to call it. After I throw myself completely into a project (the hats) I am left spent, weak, and wanting a cigarette. (I don't smoke). That lasts for abouta day, and then I am ushered back into the throws of creators angst. I want to create. Something. Anything. My mind plays it out at night. Things I could knit, yarns I could use, things I could paint, things I could sew, something I could re-do, make better...its exhausting. It will happen. I know it will. It always has before. But the time between when it happens and now seems to stretch out into eternity. Its so beautiful and releasing when it does happen. I finally find THAT project and am able to dive into it with complete satisfaction.

But until then. Arrrgh!

So I peruse relevant blogs, all the while feeding my imagination. Coaxing it. *shrugs*. I really need to clean my house.

The Day After Christmas

What would possess me to begin a blog on the day after Christmas. I think it has something to do with the scattered and torn wrapping paper, the dirty dishes, the laundry and the mountains of unfinished business I have been putting off until "after" Christmas.

I would much rather sit here and create something peaceful. Something beautiful. Something without dusty corners, cobwebs or milk rings.

Yesterday was Christmas. It was such a wonderful day. There have been holidays in the past, where our rather large extended family gather together, and things have gone horribly wrong. But this time, it was perfect.

We woke Christmas morning and Mike and the kids opened the "Jayne Cobb" hats I had knitted for them. These are the first hats I have ever knitted. First anything really besides scarves. I knitted and knitted and knitted, getting them all done in 2 days. For those two days though, when I went to bed I would fall asleep and my hands would make strange knitting motions. My husband had to wake me up and ask me to quit knitting the sheets to his forehead. *wink*

You can see in the photo that they are monstrous things. Unsightly and large and silly looking, which is just the way they are supposed to look. For those few of you who knew and loved the Fox TV series Firefly , you will recognize Jayne Cobb's hat. I chose to use this pattern and would like to thank the creator for her helpful instructions. I am such a knitting newbie, and i breezed right through it.

Here is the hat on Adam Baldwin who plays Jayne Cobb:




And here are the hats on my lovely clan of Browncoats:


I REALLY need more practice at this blogging since I just erased the entire bottom half of my post!

What I said was (and this will be no where near as eloquent and pretty as the first time I wrote it):
After opening presents here with my hubby and the kids, time literally SHOT around the clock and I was still in my pajamas at 2pm when I realized that I should probably start wrapping my families gifts NOW in order to make it to my moms by 3pm. So at 2:30 I got right on it. I wrapped and wrapped and taped and wrote and wrapped and boxed and taped and tore...and we left here right on time at 3:40pm. It is ok though, lateness runs in my family. My mom and sis are always late everywhere they go. I am usually on time, or at least LESS late than they are.
But I was late, and so was everyone else, and all was good.

It was a PERFECT Christmas. I say this with many holidays in my memory that have gone horribly horribly wrong. Yelling, tears, stomping feet. Not this time. It was beautiful.

We dined on Prime Rib (so delicious it deserves capitalization) lovingly made by my sweet mother. She wore this apron that I made her the whole evening through.


And then we exchanged gifts. There were about 16 of us there, and it was so much fun. There was so much laughter and tears (of the proper kind!) It truly was a blessed and wonderful day.

Merry Christmas!