A Barn Burning

My barn having burned to the ground, I can now see the moon.— Japanese poet Masahide

Sometimes I come across something written that touches me deeply. (Okay, so it happens a lot) I am stunned at the ability of thoughts put to paper to move me so powerfully. The words above resonate so deeply within me and seem to speak of my faith in Christ.

My barn. The thing I build with my own hands. The thing that I "need". The thing that I believe will add to my safety, or my livelihood, or my well being.

My barn.

I think we as humans imperfectly place much faith in our own brand of wisdom. At least I know I do. The word of God can plainly tell us that it is not for us to direct our own step, and yet we do, I do. Time and time again I direct my own steps, until Christ in his infinte love, grace and power reaches down and sets fire to my barn.

I wail as its burning, I cry to God for help, for mercy, for aid. And He hears my cries, knowing that the fire that I pray will be extinguished, is the very mercy that I need. His will, not mine. Because His will is Omniscient, while mine cannot see the beyond the barn.

And as I survey the ashes, I have a choice. I can bitterly sift through them, cursing and searching only for what once stood. Or I can stand, searching the heavens for the face of Christ. I can see not only the moon, but the Son.

I think of the barns that have been burnt down in my life, the fires I thought I would never recover from. Perhaps Christ did not light each one of these, but He used the empty places they left behind to to call me to Himself. These very fires that have brought me to my knees in despair, have brought me to my knees before my Lord.

They have destroyed the barn, illuminated the night, and made clear the path that leads to Him.

Negative Ions, Positive Love

I love autumn, I really do. Its my absolute favorite time of year. I love the leaves, the sky, the color, the frost. I am awed when I walk out my door and see the intense display of beauty close enough to touch.

But I have to admit, I am missing the Gulf right now. In Naples, the weather is just turning a rosy shade of perfect. The days are in the 80's, the nights warm and drying out from the summer rains. In Florida, the Gulf was my refuge when life got crazy.

At present, I am dealing with some pretty heavy anxiety . Why? I have absolutely no idea. It just decided to show up uninvited and take residence beneath my breast bone. It is exhausting, haunting, and very very unwelcome. What I want right now is to walk along this beach that I know so well. I want to be bathed in the negative ions that surround the water. Funny thing, that negative ions should be called negative when they do absolutely positive things for our bodies and minds.

Here, in Kalispell, I don't have white warm sand to cradle my feet, or the sound of the gentle waves of the gulf to calm my overstimulated nervous system. Here in Kalispell I have come to find something far greater. I have Jesus Christ. My constant. My companion. The balm for my soul.

I remember when I was so very sick and in the hospital. I was so sick that I thought perhaps I wasn't going to live. I lay in that hospital bed and had my fear replaced with a peace so precious to me, so vital to my memory and my life, I will never forget it. As I closed my eyes, I rested my head at the feet of my Lord. I could feel the hem of his garment brush across my hair. I could feel his hand on my head as I lay curled, safe, content and at peace at his feet. I remember reaching out taking hold of the hem of his robe. I was a small child, safe in the knowledge that her Father had her life in His hands. Safe in the knowledge that He would watch over me, that He would never leave me. Ever.

That is my wash of negative ions. That is my peace. I no longer need a designated place to find rest for my soul, no matter how weary or anxious it is. My peace is Jesus Christ, and I fall on my face in greatfulness that I am blessed with the knowledge of his love.